|
I know I should be doing something at work, but
I'm pretending that nothing is going on. Usually, with this downtime,
I'm watching movie trailers at apple.com or something. But I decided
to write to you all.
So there are six hours before I see Rent,
the Musical, with Rachel at the
Fox. Six hours and I really don't feel like working anymore.
I've delivered on my presentations and my endless stream of banner
ads for 7up. Now, I'm at work, listening to the CD from the show
and trying to explain the show to Chris. I don't think he wants
to even deal with it... I wouldn't want to either.
Mimi is so whiny, hence her name, me me! I know
to many girls that should be named Me Me. I'm very excited to
see the show. It's been a couple of years but Rent for me is more
than the show. It reminds me of James... Savannah... late nights
at art school... and our trip down to Florida to catch the show.
Those two oddball girls we met up with. I don't really recall
how he met her but it didn't go anywhere. Rent also saved my life
when I started to fall asleep on the way back from Savannah one
year with the old minivan (R.I.P.) somewhere in Tennessee.
You pop those damn CDs in and you can sing the
entire show without thinking of anything else. You skip some of
the obnoxious songs, but overall, you relive the show again and
you think about were you were the last time you saw it. And every
time I want to escape to shit that's around, I think about Santa
Fe, and opening a restaurant. It's funny. Well, I think it is.
This month is rushing by and every weekend, I
try and to do something cool with Rachel... or at least spend
time with her. Just three weeks ago, we had dinner at Arcelias
on a school night, Thursday. Now, typically, I don't like going
out with her on weeknights because I don't want to leave. I end
up going home way to late and have a hangover the next morning.
Well, that's what happened then. We go to
Tangerine for frou frou martinis: she has to have the Ferlinghetti
and I have to have the Ginsberg. Best drinks in town so we go
back often. We talk about guilty pleasures and she likes ABBA.
Now what guy in his right mind admits that he likes ABBA.
This guy wasn't in his right mind. I really do
like ABBA and that weekend was the last run of Mamma
Mia show. I wanted to take her way back in December, but we
barely knew each other. (Technically, we still don't know each
other very well... but I'm still ga-ga for her). I get last minute
tickets the next day at work and we're off the to Fox that night
to see a fun and corny musical. Well, it was fun, but Rachel and
I have keen enough ears to pick up that many of the songs are
out of tune. The lead girl has this vocal range that needs to
be tied down to a specific volume and timbre. If it's in the right
range, she explodes and busts the stage microphone! The male lead
screws up "Knowning me, Knowing you" which is a great
song. Totally flat and I was pissed. The encore, which is fun
and cute in a silly disco sort of thang, lacked an audio from
the guys because of technical difficulty.
I wanted a perfect show to impress her and we're
both left kind of feeling deflated. Of course, my hopes are up
for tonight's show. After Mamma Mia, we meet up with Brandon and
his crew for Deni's birthday get together at the Atomic
Cowboy in Maplewood. It's a great space with great art on
the wall with a slow movie bar. However, Rachel and I are getting
edgy and we want to smoke. We all decide to migrate to Lafayette's
on Lafayette
Square... we go there much more than the average couple. Can
I even say we're a "couple" couple? Are we just a thing?
Am I just seeing this girl? When does the name change take place?
I'm getting tired of calling her "the new girl" or "this
girl I'm seeing."
It's crowed and packed with a wide range of kiddies...
from the rich college kids to young south city hipsters, it's
filled with every walk of life. I'm ogling some girl in a short
skirt, but can't help and point it out to Rachel. Rachel, being
so cool, likes people watching... even if they're drunk, slutty
girls with skirts half-unzipped. It's a good time for the whole
family, let me tell ya. We can't help but point out to each other
the hook-ups that are failing throughout the bar.
We just hang out at this one table near the door.
This is a great spot to watch people, but we're tempted to go
dance. However, we would lose the table and we would suffer the
pain of dealing with more obnoxious drinks without any personal
space. The dance floor is insanely packed so we decide to avoid
it. She doesn't think I like to dance, but the thing is I didn't
think she liked dancing either. I just need enough in me to forget
anyone is watching.
One of the highlights of the night, beside dreamily
gazing in her Rachel's eyes, were these two characters that plopped
down at our table. Nitin and Jothi, a young, cute Indian couple,
decided they needed to catch a cab and go home. I could not get
enough of them. Jothi was so cute and reminded me of Katie when
she gets drunk. Kind of this dreamy gaze where the world and the
realizations and connections you make with strangers are epiphanies
sent from God Himself (or Herself, depending where you're from).
Simply adorable with her tiny yet loud voice.
"Your sister went to Michigan?! So did I! So
did we! That's amazing!" she exclaims. "Where is she? Is she here
tonight?" she asks looking around. Of course, I just told her
that she lives in Washington, D.C.
"See this? She's absolutely useless. I mean,
I love her, but you get her drunk and the night is done," he gestures
in a waving motion as if he's blessing her. "She's like 100 lbs.
or something... once you get one drink in her, she's toast."
Nitin was in med school and he was fascinated
that I dropped pre-med and went to art school. "So you can do
that, huh?" he laughed hysterically. He was visiting Jothi who's
a year 2 at Wash U's law school. He joked around a lot and reminded
me of Yusuf so we got along fine. I loved the fact that Rachel
enjoyed hanging out with them too.
They were in need of a cab because they new they
were getting plastered and Nitin couldn't drive back in his condition.
However, little did they know that there are only five cabs in
St. Louis and it costs about $40 to get anywhere. Good peeps...
I love meeting strangers that you know you could have been friends
in a previous life.
Eventually, they leave and Rachel and I offer
them the best advice: go to Del
Taco and have a Pepper Jack Grilled Chicken Quesadilla. It's
a good way to end the night. There are better ones, but... I'm
not going to go into that right now.
Yeah, that's as
creative as I get with that headline. Agency decides to cancel
their show at the Studio Café on January 16. This means
that I'm the headlining act when I decide to take their spot.
I do have 2 hours of material, but who the hell wants to hear
a solo, acoustic, singer-songwriter perform for that long? I decide
to recruit Chris and Matt to do a couple of songs and Jaime would
do a 45 minute opening set.
Overall, the show went really well and Brandon
took a lot of great pictures. I'm thrilled because I have
photos for future posters! A lot of people showed up and old friends
that you thought were lost and gone came to see us. Pat Vogelaar,
now known at Patty which is odd because I thought he was Patrick
last time I saw him three years ago. He's working and has band.
I play around town and it was fun to see him. We chatted a bit
after the show. He said he spoke to Lech earlier that day.
"When was the last time anyone of us could say
that we spoke to all members of Untitled Nation in the span of
one day?!" he proclaimed after the show. I can't recall... maybe
it's been more than ten years.
Stance was our sound guy and had some trouble
getting Chris's quadraverb thingie to tie into the PA system.
What a pain. I was pissed at first because I didn't get to do
a sound check and we were falling behind. However, after seeing
old friends like Mike
and old Zippers, and after many drinks, I was chill. The sound
couldn't have been better in that shotgun bar. I was thrilled.
I couldn't hear myself, but everyone said the balance was perfect.
Somehow, I'm able to internally stay in tune!
Tons of people couldn't stay as late as they
wanted too... little Jaime's set went on a bit long too. She's
so fired from the band.
There is no band. I want a band. I need a band.
But show went really, really well. Good crowd...
probably because I knew everyone... minor screw-ups with the first
two songs in the middle set with Matt. The guitars would not tune
up together! But when I was solo, things were just very solid.
It felt amazing. I had a huge bar tab and the lady holding down
the fort for the evening just gave me her number and wanted to
play with her folk group sometime. She had an amazing voice and
usually doesn't tend bar for the Studio Cafe. Very cool things
worked out.
Rachel did not come that night (family obligations),
but we spent most of the weekend together afterwards. She'll have
to see me next Friday at Felix's with Agency. Shorter set, but
less pressure and it'll probably be a better show for her in the
end.
Of all the absurd things to happen two days ago...
you gotta hear this. Or read it. So, Rachel calls me up in the
morning and says to me, "Place Pick Up Line Here."
I'm thinking, wow, it's really early, why the
hell is she calling me? Realize I'm still in bed and I saw the
caller ID and it was from her office. I kind of get up and see
I'm late for work again. No biggie. Those banner ads can wait.
"Place pick up line here."
I get it. She's surfing the web. I know that
line. I've used it before. Then the realization hits me that she
has found an old online personal ad. Yes, I have done online dating
before. I did it a lot back in 2002 with Yahoo and have met a
lot of girls. There's always something out of wack with them...
same with me, that's why we're searching online. However, I hear
it's getting much more mainstream and more and more people are
meeting their soulmates online.
SIDE BIT: I don't like
to think there is just ONE person for you... I like to think
there's about seven people out there for you. (Props to Kissing
Jessica Stein for that one) I mean, if you're one in a
million, there are 125 people in China just like you. So that
line doesn't work anymore, or maybe there are that many compatible
people for you. Then why the hell did it take so long to meet
Rachel?
Well, back to the matter at hand. I'm kind of
nervous, but not. She must be at the Onion Personals. I hadn't
touched that thing since early this summer.
"Ha, I guess that I'm featured as the Onion
personal of the day. That's funny." You see, the Onion Personals
are also the personals at Esquire.com, Nerve.com, and Rotten Tomatoes.
It's all housed in the same network by Spring Street Networks.
So, I was kind of surprised but excited that I'm on the front
page of all these websites around the country.
"The
Onion? What are you talking about?"
"Well that ad... it's kind of funny..."
You're on Page 73 of the
Riverfront Times!" she exclaims.
Oh shit. Oh my dear GOD! Yeah, so, uh... Apparently,
my online personal that was created over a year ago still can
be recycled and put into print circulation by Spring
Street Networks. Little did I know that there was a little
check box that was clicked that gave them the right to do that.
Jeez. And of all the seedy places to put an ad, it's in the back
of the RFT! On the facing page has the classifieds
for male strippers and dancers that do more, as long as you leave
a big tip. I felt so bad but couldn't help laughing. I'm such
an idiot.
She gave me a lot of shit but thought it was
funny too. I'm desperately trying to explain its an old ad and
I didn't put an ad in the damn paper. Sandy, her friend that discovered
the ad (with my damn photo), thought it was really shady. Totally
out of my hands I say! In the end, I'm glad Sandy told her and
she called me out on it.
Two scenarios could have
arisen from this accident:
- She wouldn't bring it up at all and would
continue to think I was looking for someone else. The constant
suspicious would kill everything and I would never know how
it all started.
- Rachel and Sandy would try and fake a response
to the ad and see if I fall for it. This would have been funnier
but also could have been detrimental if Rachel posed as a girl
as cool as she is. Yeah, the sitcom that is my life could have
enfolded. I still think Jothi and Nitin from two weeks ago would
have been a funnier show.
Whatever. It's done.
But after another perfect evening with her the night before, I
kept on thinking how I would ruin a good thing. It's amazing she
puts up with me. This was far from close... I like to keep things
interesting. Now I'm thinking should I end the ad or wait until
I see what sort of responses I get? You'll see my ad right below
this other ad, the one that reads "Bi Guy Seeking Bi Guy."
This leads me to this final
thought:
I've been thinking about Rachel's word... which
was becoming my own word. It didn't make sense until this week:
ap•pre•hen•sion
1. anticipation of adversity or misfortune; suspicion or fear
of future trouble or evil.
So now I'm overthinking relationships and past
girls and who I thought was "the one" or could be potential
"ones" or whatever. You grow and your standards change
and you evolve that person is going to change as you get to know
them. I'm worrying about everything good in my life right now...
which is Rachel. My priorities in life use to be work, work, and
work. (and in that same order!) Now it's turned into Rachel, music,
work. That's a huge change for me and that shift in logic is hard
to adjust.
At this point in time, Rachel is way too perfect
and it's beginning to freak me out. I'm not looking for a character
flaw or some huge unfixable problem: emotional or mental hang-ups,
whatever. But shouldn't there be something? I usually pick up
on these things quite quick with people. Some say I'm picky, but
I give everyone a chance. I don't even need to give her a chance...
she's the whole deal.
I made a resolution of sorts... I told myself
that I wouldn't fall for girls anymore. Well, not as fast as before.
Not get attached so fast so I wouldn't get hurt when things go
bad. I'm a pessimist and the glass is half full, all the time.
It saves for later heartache.
She tells me she's apprehensive too. Her heart
was broken before and well, I have a box set of songs for the
scars upon my heart. I know she's wondering what my flaws are.
(Well, I'm glad we're both kind of freaked out) I have a ton of
problems right out there in the open. I'm overweight, I smoke
(so does she, so that's an evil balance), I have trouble with
money, I have a neurotic and dysfunctional relationship with my
parents, I work too late and too often, I think strippers are
great (but have yet to go East Side in a long time... basically,
the cash flow is gone) and I ogle at girls when I'm drunk. I know
there are others... but those are the obvious ones and my self-esteem
has had enough for today.
The question that's on my mind all the time:
How am I going to screw this up. It's so wonderful, there's gotta
be a catch. You can say it so many ways... God has a sense of
humor, be cautious of karma, the balance in the world.. in the
lives we lead, the yin and yang, with the good and there is the
bad.
I have to stop this. Stop with the thinking and
just live and see what happens. But maybe I'm due. Maybe it's
time, because in the end, she is way too good to be true. Fuck
it... she's amazing and I'm just lucky. Is it that simple?
I can only hope so.
Thanks for listening,
Hafiz
|
